A Quote a Day Keeps the Pain Away
by Cat and NCIS Obsessed
Summary: Why is Tony so addicted to movies? It had all started when he was a child. His parents would fight and send him to his room and he would watch a movie, turn the speakers up as high as possible and pretend everything was alright.


**A Quote a Day Keeps the Pain Away**

**Disclaimer: Not mine-can't even get the NCIS CD (either of them) so I don't think you have to worry about me owning NCIS.**

**A/N: A little insight into why Tony always quotes movies. I thought of this a while ago but because of school holidays I finally got around to writing it. I know some of the grammar in this is strange and wrong (commas before conjunctions), writing *cringes* "yous", I know it is not a word but I'm trying to imply he hears it more than once and the overuse of the words "and" as well as "so" but it's just an effect I'm trying out so please tell me what you think. Could be seen as TIVA at the end or just friendship/partnership depending on how you look at it. One last thing, if you watch **_**Boxed In**_** I think this fic actually fits in with it (well maybe slightly).**

**Spoilers: For a fair few episodes actually. Twilight/Kill Ari(s), Hiatus(s), Grace Period, Bury Your Dead/Family, Internal Affairs, Judgement Day(s), Aliyah, Truth or Consequences.**

**~*~***

Sure, the team had noticed it. Every time he was faced with a direct question he would avoid it; rarely he would completely change the topic, usually he would make a joke and pretend nothing had ever been said or done but he favoured movies, when something hit him hardest, worried him the most, that's when he would just become a movie trivia king.

It had all started when he was a child. His parents would fight and send him to his room and he would watch a movie, turn the speakers up as high as possible and pretend everything was alright. It was almost a reflex reaction as a child and he'd never let it go as an adult. The trivia was just another way to ignore the facts. The fast-forward button on Tony's VCR player was broken and so instead of sitting around and hearing screaming he would lie on his bed, plug his ears and yell out the plot, release dates and stars and by the time he had finished the movie would start and one and a half hours of yelling was over.

Gibbs had always sensed that there were anterior motives behind Tony's movie obsession, not that he would ever say anything, it wasn't his place and he knew it. Sometimes Gibbs doubted that Tony even realised what he was doing.

~*~*

Tony had never worked as long at a job as he had NCIS. Two years was a record but he could never pin-point what it was about them that made him leave; it was as though they knew something he didn't and maybe, just maybe that scared him. The moment that he met Gibbs though he was instantly put at ease, his gut told him that Gibbs could keep secrets and sometimes he just followed his gut.

When Kate had joined the team Tony had been a little worried, not that Gibbs was going to play favourites, not that she would be a better agent them him but that she was a profiler and maybe she would find things out about him that he didn't want revealed or things he didn't know about himself. So he blocked her off, put her at a distance and quoted movies he knew she'd never see but he didn't realise he was telling her exactly what he didn't want her to know.

There was something about Kate's death that had come as a relief to Tony; sure, it was wrong, she died before her time and all because of that bastard Ari, but still... It was like being at summer camp, on the zip wire, hitting the tyres and releasing a breath he didn't realise he was holding. And yet again he found himself alone in his apartment watching DVDs with the volume as high as it would go as he had when he was a child but instead of blocking out his parents' yelling he blocked out the '_why'_s and '_how come'_s and '_it should have been you'_s and the '_just because I'm a woman, that seem fair to you'_s and what he dreaded most the: '_he always reminded me of you'_s. He was deadly afraid of those voices, not because he thought it was really her, not because he thought he was going insane but because his subconscious saw the similarities between himself and a chauvinistic terrorist.

Ziva was different. She was more outgoing than Kate certainly but she told him almost immediately what she knew about him and while it unnerved him at first he thought that meant he wouldn't have to keep secrets from her but about two days later he found out that she had just read his dossier, so he put her back at a safe distance. She had asked him about his father and he had ignored her though a few months later he found out that she had daddy issues as well and that, for a spy, she was very bad at subtly changing the subject but he too reflected her questions the best way he knew how, he mentioned a movie.

When Gibbs had been in the explosion Tony didn't know what to do - he was senior field agent so he immediately became boss but that meant he couldn't go home and watch a DVD. So he put on a brave face, pretended he was all right and knew what to do and lead the team as best he could.

Tony's first day as the actual team leader and not just a replacement (even if that's what it felt like) he lived on coffee because he had been watching DVDs all night. This time though he wasn't blocking out voices but trying to find solutions to hold together the breaking team. Ziva had noticed Tony's behaviour or at least the bags under his eyes so she came over to see what was wrong and ended up watching movies.

When Gibbs returned Tony no longer lived on coffee because he was able to sleep.

Paula's death had come as a major shock and he wasn't sure whether it was her death or the feelings he realised he had for her that shocked him more. But instead of running straight for his DVD player he ran for Jeanne's apartment, not because he had grown out of his tradition like a phase, not because he suddenly realised he loved her but because that's what the hero of the movie did, and he always felt better afterwards but he was just a man, not a character and certainly not the hero so he and Jeanne sat down and watched a movie and because she could see how much pain he was in she didn't complaining about the deafening sound.

When he and Jeanne "broke up" she told him he had to choose so he went home and chose a DVD. People have said that Anthony DiNozzo "grew up" after Jeanne but all he did was die a little more inside (and learn more movie trivia).

"Be a man Tony..." He was surprised that Ziva had said it and so he went over to Jeanne, put on his best hero face and pretended that she had never meant anything to him.

His wounds were still fresh when he and Ziva had to escort the Director to Los Angeles. He was still bruised and limping and was not ready for another injury but he failed his mission and it cut deep. The voices returned and so all Tony packed for his Agent Afloat assignment were his credit cards, a toothbrush, his NCIS cap and two pairs of underwear, all things he had picked up on his way out.

~*~*

The amount and variety of DVDs was poor and so Tony took up drinking bourbon as a way to deal with his problem, he knew it wasn't the solution but if it worked for Gibbs... When he returned to D.C his constant drunken stupors became almost non-existent, almost, not because he felt better, not because he was back with his _family_ but because he was reunited with his beloved DVDs and DVD player.

Things went back to normal, or at least as normal as possible when you worked for Gibbs. So, of course, Ziva would have to get involved with a rogue Mossad operative and after that everything fell apart again.

He was only trying to help which caused everything to become 1,000 times worse and _she_ stayed in Israel and when they landed he went straight home and watched as many spy movies as he could because he was so used to seeing _his_ spy everyday and now he was sure that he'd never see her again. So he blocked out all of the '_it's all your fault'_s and the_ 'I guess I'll never know'_s and the_ 'I only need one'_s.

"There were no survivors." At that moment Tony just wanted to curl up in the foetal position and cry but he wouldn't because he's just not that type of man. That night he went to a bar and drank hard liquor until the bartender refused to serve him but the voices and her helpless pictured remained, burned into his memory, and tormented him with the '_help me Tony'_s and the _'it's all your fault'_s and the _'why'd you let this happen'_s so the bartender called him a cab and Tony watched DVDs. The moment the voices stopped was the moment Tony said "No!"

So when he was about to be killed it should have come as no surprise to anyone that all he could think of was the scene from _True Lies_ where Harry (Arnie) is strapped to the chair in the torture shed, pumped full of truth serum and saying things he shouldn't. Everything went to plan, better actually considering Ziva was alive and maybe not one hundred percent but she was safe.

So life went back to _normal._

**Please review, if you read this far you might as well (because remember, reviewing is compulsory, reading is optional).**


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